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MegaMan Matrix => The Creation Station => Topic started by: Jaker on 23 August 2008, 20:28:49



Title: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 23 August 2008, 20:28:49
A story of a Fox Named Ditz

Posted on: 23 August 2008, 20:25:12

If you want to have the 2nd one Send me an Email telling me. My Email is (jacob.shangle@hotmail.com)


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Someguy on 23 August 2008, 20:59:25
So all I gotta do to see the second one is Email you your Email? What a deal!


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 23 August 2008, 23:30:06
Why even make a thread?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Captain Sanoguchi on 24 August 2008, 04:56:48
For attention.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Lunchebox on 24 August 2008, 06:01:11
Like when Sano cuts himself!


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 24 August 2008, 07:47:06
Howd did you guys like it?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Lunchebox on 24 August 2008, 19:23:42
Like what?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Captain Sanoguchi on 24 August 2008, 21:30:03
The meat?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 24 August 2008, 22:22:05
Where's the beef?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Fatso on 24 August 2008, 22:26:09
Where's the cream filling?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Lunchebox on 25 August 2008, 01:51:22
I #####ing love pastrami.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Captain Sanoguchi on 25 August 2008, 14:15:05
I'm partial to the musical stylings of Shwayze.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 25 August 2008, 22:29:07
His Buzzin' is an alright song, the show of the same name is somewhat interesting.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 26 August 2008, 17:34:00
Did you guys even read the story? Did you Like The Story?? ??? ???


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 26 August 2008, 19:23:36
What story? You removed it from this topic and you're not putting much effort in showing it to us. You can take the time to upload it here rather than hassle us for it if you want critique so badly.

I don't read fan-fiction, but even so, if you want to show us your creative work so bad, then show it at people's convenience.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Lunchebox on 26 August 2008, 20:43:09
Did you guys even read the story? Did you Like The Story?? ??? ???

The hell are you talking about? In all of your posts, I have seen NO story.

And if this is the way you write, then I'm just going to go ahead and say it was bad.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 3 September 2008, 04:51:55
If you guys want me to put it back on can you guys not copy it and sell it?? Plz and thanks and maybe i might just post it again. Maybe


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ASR on 3 September 2008, 05:00:17
...hahahaaaaa.

Oh god, I didn't really need that laugh before bed, since I just watched a handful of Arrested Development episodes, but it sure is welcome.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Winged Warrior on 3 September 2008, 05:41:34
Aw ##### Jaker,

Seeing as you didn't copy write it, I already published it.


SORRY.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Fatso on 3 September 2008, 06:04:25
He probably didn't copywrite it, but any "literary work" like this is protected by copyright laws nonetheless.

Of course, since it seems not to exist there should be no issues. Carry on.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Winged Warrior on 3 September 2008, 06:26:36
In all seriousness, It's his creative property. And he can take legal action against ANYONE who publishes it as their work, all he has to do is note it as his work...

I just like the fact that this thread lives, and he's trying to get us to beg him to post it. As far as Ive seen, very few people respect written stories, and those who do, write their own.

All Ive seen of this "story" is what is in that first post, and then he begs us for attention by getting us to e-mail something to the factor of "I love it, i won't steel if U send me second!"



Seriously Jaker, Earn yourself some respect and have the nerve to post what you have, and while we are at it, when someone tells you you need to work on something, do it... With the exception of Sano.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Majikn on 3 September 2008, 09:37:24
I don't have anything to add except that the word is "copyright". Copy writing is most likely the act of doing what a copyright would likely not allow.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ASR on 3 September 2008, 14:31:07
He used to have it as a file in his first post, but I didn't click it. And then the next time I checked, he must've removed it because you guys were all talking about how there isn't even anything there.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 3 September 2008, 16:49:20
I saw it too, but he removed it.

And seriously? You're afraid someone will be low enough to copy fan-fiction and sell it?

That's why you removed it?

...

Why even make a thread?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 4 September 2008, 02:46:09
You can't even sell fanfiction in the first place since IT contains copyrighted characters already.

Anyway I resent the notion that people here don't "respect written stories". That's not true. Not bothering to download a file for whatever reason just means someone's not advertising it right, it's not really a lack of respect. Everyone pretty much respects what Cherry writes, whether or not they read it.

Bleh.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 4 September 2008, 03:22:00
You can't even sell fanfiction in the first place since IT contains copyrighted characters already.

Even if you could find a way to do it... why would you?

Fan-works are free to the general public. If someone took something that's generally free and made a profit off of it...

I don't know the exact word I'm looking for so help me out here, but... that's really pathetic.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: AlexThePenguin on 4 September 2008, 03:49:49
If selling fan-fiction is illegal, then how do you get things like spin-off book series that have nothing to do with the original movie/whatever other than character names? (Especially those having no involvement of the original author/producer/whatever)


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 4 September 2008, 03:56:32
They're always authorised by the creator or the company that owns the rights to the product beforehand.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: AlexThePenguin on 4 September 2008, 04:08:31
It's still selling fan-fiction.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ASR on 4 September 2008, 04:24:54
No, it's promoting the bigger product and expanding the fanbase to idiots who will actually buy that sort of stuff just because it has the franchise label slapped onto it.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: AlexThePenguin on 5 September 2008, 01:50:36
It's still written by fans, thus making it fan-fiction, albeit franchised fan-fiction.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 5 September 2008, 03:32:30
Although in this case, it is not.

If this "story", wherever it may be was stolen and sold, that's undeniably sad.

My point is: If you're afraid your creative works are going to be stolen, Jaker, then you should have attempted to sell this "story" in the first place or not have posted at all. Only members can view uploaded works and I doubt someone here would want to sell it for profit. You removing it only makes it difficult for people that actually care to read it and give you critique, praise, or whatever they want to say.

In short... you're not helping yourself.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 5 September 2008, 03:33:51
It's still selling fan-fiction.
No, it's promoting the bigger product and expanding the fanbase to idiots who will actually buy that sort of stuff just because it has the franchise label slapped onto it.
It's still written by fans, thus making it fan-fiction, albeit franchised fan-fiction.

It doesn't matter. All I said was that you can't sell something that contains copyrighted characters you don't own unless you're authorised to. Thus making it impossible for anyone on MMM to steal and sell Ditz The Fox. That's it, that's all.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Panda on 6 September 2008, 14:43:18
I laughed, I cried, I danced, I rolled. I went through all the usual emotions reading this story.

Five out of Five. Well done. :)


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Lunchebox on 15 September 2008, 21:54:44
If you guys want me to put it back on can you guys not copy it and sell it?? Plz and thanks and maybe i might just post it again. Maybe


I assure you, I would never claim any of your work as my own.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 28 October 2008, 02:35:04
ok Now tell me how you like it   :D

If u like it and want the 2nd one just email me. Email (jacob.shangle@hotmail.com)


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: preventerWIND on 28 October 2008, 02:42:40
That was terrible. It was like a bad fanfiction crossed with a bad sprite comic. Try some originality buddy, you got a fox, an echidna, and a hedgehog, and the main protagonist is a doctor? Come on.

Then we have a bunch of math equations in the middle of the story, what the hells that #####? Good Gravy, I'm keeping this story and reading it whenever I'm depressed. Its so ridiculous its funny.

congaturlations
you get a F-
you are bad end


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ASR on 28 October 2008, 02:44:28
This was...


...#####ing genius.

There's no way this can't be genius satire.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Someguy on 28 October 2008, 02:47:06
This makes me wanna play on the Ditz Playstation 3, it also makes me wanna kill my self


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 28 October 2008, 02:50:49
Okay.

Not to bash or anything, as much as I can right now (and I really REALLY can right now).

But is this the same story you removed?

I just skimmed it.

You removed it because you were afraid someone would steal and sell the story?

This Sonic ripoff?

wat


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Someguy on 28 October 2008, 02:51:39
He didn't want any one to sell it? Oops I already printed out my own cover, made me the author and put it up for auction on Ebay


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: preventerWIND on 28 October 2008, 02:52:36
Oh #####, thats right. Who the hell would make this into an actual hard copy story? And then have the balls to sell it?

WOW


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Snare on 28 October 2008, 02:54:19
Can I be in the story??? I think there should be a part where they make a band and then they fight with lnking part and blink183

rockstar 4 life ||D || ||V|| ||D


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: von Teelio on 28 October 2008, 03:11:14
Have you read an actual fiction before?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 28 October 2008, 03:17:14
He's more afraid of someone stealing this than I am of someone stealing Mittens and Crumplehorn, and MnC is actually well written.

I really stopped even trying to give this it's first real critique went I read the word "Level". I only finished the first "chapter."

This can't be serious. And I'm fitting to put it on YTMND as one of those "A Dramatic Reading" things.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: von Teelio on 28 October 2008, 03:20:47
Hey, at least he tried. (If you consider that trying)


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Captain Sanoguchi on 28 October 2008, 03:21:46
It's the bastard child of My Immortal and Twilight!


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 28 October 2008, 03:24:23
Hey, at least he tried. (If you consider that trying)

No he didn't. I'm almost completely certain this is some joke.

I mean, I know the story is a joke, but I mean that I think he's just doing the literary equivalent of trolling.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ASR on 28 October 2008, 03:42:03
Mike, the sad thing is, no "literary troll" would write THAT much.

It's just... it's just a kid who really likes Sonic and wanted to create his own world, and used writing as his unfortunate outlet.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: von Teelio on 28 October 2008, 03:43:40
Haven't we all been there at least once?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Majikn on 28 October 2008, 03:45:25
Antagonist. "Doc" is an antagonist.

That's all I'm going to say.

Actually it's not all I'm going to say. I skipped to page five and my eyes glittered with happiness.

Jesus, at least when I parodied DBZ when I was like, 11, it was about sentient frogs of different colours who had different powers related to their colour. And they were all named after Nerds flavours.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Fatso on 28 October 2008, 03:48:04
Haven't we all been there at least once?

Me and Starcraft... aaaahhhh.

The difference, of course, is that I actually became decent at writing from it.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 28 October 2008, 03:49:14
This can't be serious. And I'm fitting to put it on YTMND as one of those "A Dramatic Reading" things.

How is babby formed?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 28 October 2008, 21:38:53
Mike, the sad thing is, no "literary troll" would write THAT much.

A literary troll would do EXACTLY that. Like, I could literally literary-troll until my ligaments are littered with laceractions and I develop leprosy from a lack of a laundered locale and an abundance of lethargy. YEAH.

And they were all named after Nerds flavours.

That's actually pretty funny.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 29 October 2008, 00:06:41
Skip to page 10 or 11 tell me if its still the worst  :D


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Fatso on 29 October 2008, 00:44:01
It's not the worst. It's merely so close to the worst that it may just as well be lumped in.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: NovaMan XP on 29 October 2008, 01:27:40
Speaking of Jakes, I just realized our lovable mushroom Jakey is online for the first time in forever.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Snare on 29 October 2008, 01:30:36
Where? I want to have a word with him. Why, he's going to get the biggest lickin' of his life!


And not the good kind.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: von Teelio on 29 October 2008, 01:39:45
Jaker? Try revisiting... the entire story.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 29 October 2008, 02:34:30
Skip to page 10 or 11 tell me if its still the worst  :D

No. It's not possible any part of this could be remotely worth reading.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Panda on 29 October 2008, 12:05:27
Is each chapter one paragraph?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Chron on 29 October 2008, 12:48:57
Jaker, I read your story and decided to revise it.
I put strikes through everything that either had a grammatical error, wasn't important to the story, wasn't spelled properly, wasn't entertaining or all of the above.

I've uploaded my revisions to this post.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Fatso on 29 October 2008, 14:56:07
I don't even have to open that to know what it looks like now :D


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Johncarllos on 29 October 2008, 15:26:54
teehee, silly Chron.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 29 October 2008, 17:34:57
Jaker, I read your story and decided to revise it.
I put strikes through everything that either had a grammatical error, wasn't important to the story, wasn't spelled properly, wasn't entertaining or all of the above.

I've uploaded my revisions to this post.

... Actually, I'd say "THE END" was quite necessary, seeing it was oh I don't know, the end of story?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Chron on 29 October 2008, 17:37:02
You can't have an ending without a story.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: von Teelio on 29 October 2008, 18:07:10
Somehow that whole post of yours Chron, made me ROFL.



Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Majikn on 29 October 2008, 18:08:33
Not that I ever see "The End" written when I'm on the last page of a book or anything.

Unless it's like a children's book, and I haven't read any of those in years.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 29 October 2008, 20:54:05
It's too bad strikethrough doesn't work on superscript, 'cause now the story is all "Nd nd nd nd th".

I love that even the date it was written and the author's name are struck out.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Chron on 30 October 2008, 00:44:53
I leave no stone unturned.

I'm also lazy and love Ctrl+A


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: saldite on 30 October 2008, 00:47:52
Well, I decided to read the story regardless of what my better judgement and everyone else had said about it.
...I made it to the fifth sentence before I had to quit.

Jaker is it?
How exactly did you come up with such an atrocious, antigrammatical piece-o'-##### as this?

This is the worst literature I have ever read.
...I should have really listened to my better judgement, and chose not to read any of this crap.

Oh, and Chron, I love the revision.
Although, it's really more than this story (if you can even call it that) deserves.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 30 October 2008, 03:27:52
If I thought this was a serious attempt at story writing, I would feel bad for this kid right now as we are being rather mean about it all, forsaking all kinds of subtlety and modern manners. But what are modern manners, these days? The internet sustains pleasantries like FEMA rescues flood victims.

Anyway what I'm saying is, this is atrocious, yeah. It's so bad, it must be a farce. But, if I put myself in the shoes of someone putting up an honest work and having it tenderized like this, I'd be very upset.

But since this was clearly a crude attempt at some lampoon, say whatever you want. I just think too much.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 30 October 2008, 11:24:06
I didn't want to overly bash it because I knew it'd be coming anyway, and for that reason as well. I would've replied differently, had the author presented it in a more mature manner.

I probably would've still said "this sucks", but the kick to the nads would've been softer.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Chron on 30 October 2008, 16:09:04
If I thought this was a serious attempt at story writing, I would feel bad for this kid right now as we are being rather mean about it all, forsaking all kinds of subtlety and modern manners. But what are modern manners, these days? The internet sustains pleasantries like FEMA rescues flood victims.

Anyway what I'm saying is, this is atrocious, yeah. It's so bad, it must be a farce. But, if I put myself in the shoes of someone putting up an honest work and having it tenderized like this, I'd be very upset.

But since this was clearly a crude attempt at some lampoon, say whatever you want. I just think too much.

I think it's way too huge to be a crude attempt at lampoon.

It looks like a "serious effort" to me.
Either genuine or lampoon.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 30 October 2008, 21:39:20
Well by "crude" I mean it wasn't a good job at it, not for lack of trying. This one clearly tried very hard to be funny. But like with his writing, he failed at that too.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 31 October 2008, 00:44:50
Now heres one thing im gonna say... If you dont have anything nice to say dont say it at all.  ::)


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: NovaMan XP on 31 October 2008, 00:45:28
If you don't have anything good to show us don't show us at all.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 31 October 2008, 00:48:32
Now heres one thing im gonna say... If you dont have anything nice to say dont say it at all.  ::)

Can't expect all your works to be sweet, pumpkin.

Just try better next time. In a roundabout way, that's what's going on. This is hardly creative.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Chron on 31 October 2008, 00:51:50
Hell, I've read better Dragon Ball Z fan fiction.

But then you can only expect so much from a Sonic obsessed pre-teen.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 31 October 2008, 00:53:29
Do i even get any credit for the story??


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: NovaMan XP on 31 October 2008, 00:53:56
Well uh...

It's something.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Captain Sanoguchi on 31 October 2008, 00:54:42
No, it was most bogus, dude.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Chron on 31 October 2008, 00:54:52
Do i even get any credit for the story??


You wrote a lot of words.
I'll give you that you wrote a lot of words.
I wish you had arranged them better, but the sheer volume of words is at least worth some merit, I guess.

Why did you name the title character "Ditz"?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 31 October 2008, 00:55:17
That's some pig.

There ya go.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 31 October 2008, 00:56:18
How would you guys like it if you made a story, but people said it sucked?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 31 October 2008, 00:57:36
It'd tell me that my story sucked, and I need to improve.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Captain Sanoguchi on 31 October 2008, 00:59:55
I'd stop whining and try to write one that didn't suck so hard.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 31 October 2008, 01:00:38
There was a story? When? Where?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 31 October 2008, 01:01:17
Ok if you guys dont like it. Oh well. :)


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Fatso on 31 October 2008, 01:02:03
I'd stop whining and try to write one that didn't suck so hard.
QFT and backed with first-hand experience.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: NovaMan XP on 31 October 2008, 01:02:20
Trust me, I think alot of people have gone through something like this in SOME way... like I used to make incredibly #####ty sprite comics with recolors and etc.

I eventually improved, and then quit because I didn't want to do it anymore but... I DID improve.

You just have to take the criticism like a man and just try to improve on it.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 31 October 2008, 01:03:59
on a bar from one to ten what would you rate this story?
 
 
 


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Captain Sanoguchi on 31 October 2008, 01:04:53
Awful.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: NovaMan XP on 31 October 2008, 01:05:15
THAT ISN'T A NUMBER YOU BIG FAT STUPID FACE


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: preventerWIND on 31 October 2008, 01:05:27
Well, you could understand most of it. But theres no originality whatsoever, and without that the story disintegrates into nothing.

2/10


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 31 October 2008, 01:06:44
how should i improve?? ???


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 31 October 2008, 01:07:54
Seriously man. Don't pout. We're not kicking at you for the fun of it, it's the story. Obviously, this kind of stuff won't fly here (and Sonic? Seriously?). Revisit the story. You asked how we liked it, so we responded. You don't have to cut your wrist over it.

If you want a positive comment of I can think about it, honestly, this is all I've got...

I've seen worse.

Your pattern of writing definitely needs work. It's all clumped together. Try writing a story chapter by chapter and ask for constructive criticism.

EDIT: Oh, and by the way, I'm not an English major or into creative works like this just yet, so I really don't know what you need work on specifically off the bat. But obviously, it's the organization of the content and the originality.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Captain Sanoguchi on 31 October 2008, 01:08:36
Write a story that isn't a recycled piece of crap.
Come up with something original.
Something new and creative.

1) Start with an original concept.
Like a fire breathing cowboy who fights angels, demons, murderous high school students, and his conceived children that he didn't even know about.

2) Give it a story.
Like the cowboy just got done traveling across the globe and has finally settled down in a city where his bounty hunting services are needed, and unknown to him he's actually being used as an advocate for the divine. Oh yeah, and he had a got a lot of women pregnant and left them so they had kids who were all special in their own way 'cause of stuff, like one's a demigod homosexual while another is a wheelchair bound, paralyzed telepath. So like, the kids were all born into hard lives and they blamed their father whom they never knew and stuff, so they all want revenge or something. Eventually they all track him down to the city. It all gets mashed into a bunch of gun battles, explosions, and semi-cliche lines about living and the future and stuff. At least it's interesting.
Also, don't use that, I've been trying to weave that into a good tale for a few years now.

3) Add depth.
Give the story depth. Describe the character's appearances, but not all of their features at once, draw it out a bit. Give all the characters unique personalities. Trying thinking about how they would act in a regular situation. If you don't make the characters have some sense of life or they'll all just be cardboard cutouts.
Never write things like 'They fight!' or 'He walked.' Make everything sound interesting.

Yeah, do stuff better.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Fatso on 31 October 2008, 01:09:14
Think.

Writing is about a lot of thinking. Thinking about style, thinking about characters, thinking about plot, just THINKING in general. The writing part should happen automatically at that point.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: preventerWIND on 31 October 2008, 01:10:09
I've seen far worse, the key thing is originality. You have characters with different names, big whoop, they're still sonic rip off's. Hedgehog's, echidna's, foxes? Please, none of that sonic fur#####ry thx.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 31 October 2008, 01:11:48
We've said it all over why we didn't like it. We even admitted to being overly harsh. That is probably the best we're going to give you. Especially me, since I think this is some #####ty prank.

If you're genuine and thus genuinely want to improve, try reading all the posts. Do your best not to get personally offended (I know it's hard), and revise the parts people said they didn't like. For instance, it's rather ridiculous to make story about characters as if they live in a game world unless that's the idea like #####ing Code Lyoko or something. Just because the inspiration comes from a game, doesn't mean you need to list characters' HP all the time and have stuff like them going into "levels". Levels are just what people outside the game call them, from the perpective of the characters those are just places like the real life places you visit, such as the doctor's office where they treat you syphilis.

And random ##### about them playing video games that has nothing to with anything is crap. Crap. Anything that has to with nothing (which I'm not-so-afraid to say is the whole thing in this case) shouldn't be in your story.

Write like these aren't fake people. Type in real paragraphs. Use quotation marks, grammar, spelling, punctuation, line breaks, and every other literary tool you skipped (which is all of them safe for capitalising some letters).

Seriously, your posts are better than this trite, and they're not even good. And I still don't believe you're legit.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 31 October 2008, 01:13:55
The lord hath spoken.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 31 October 2008, 01:15:26
...

Posted on: 31 October 2008, 01:14:53

say no more please


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 31 October 2008, 01:17:22
Okay.

...

Crap.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: preventerWIND on 31 October 2008, 01:18:13
No, CV. He told us to say "no more".

NO MORE


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 31 October 2008, 01:21:04
I take it he doesn't want to work on it. It's no skin off my nose really. If the truth hurts, hey, it's at least the truth.

NO MORE


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 31 October 2008, 01:21:55
Also one more thing... Treat others the way you wanna be treated. :)


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Fatso on 31 October 2008, 01:22:49
You mean, fairly?

Excuse me while I rip you a new one for assaulting my eyes with this drivel.

Happy?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 31 October 2008, 01:23:30
Also one more thing... Treat others the way you wanna be treated. :)

Exactly what I'm doing.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 31 October 2008, 01:24:28
how would you guys like it if u were treated the same exact way??


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: preventerWIND on 31 October 2008, 01:25:42
We've all gotten criticism like this man, don't think you're special and try and teach us a few things. Some times the harshest stuff can be the most helpful. So take your head out of your ass or foot out of your mouth. Or whichever part of your body you have crammed up a hole.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 31 October 2008, 01:27:00
Look. That's as nice as I'm going to get about it. I'm not in a good mood in the first place, and I'm really not convinced yet of your earnestness.

My best advice is to get a book, right now. From somewhere in the house. A fiction book. One you've read and really like. Look in it a bit, see how it's written. Then look at your story and see how it isn't written. From there, you can revise it.

The whole story or lack there of wouldn't be so bad if it was AT LEAST formatted like a real story. I could actually do it FOR you, and it wouldn't take that long either, but that wouldn't actually be helping at all since you'd not learn anything.

I'd care so much less that it's not original and that it has random parts that mean nothing (which is something you can do, but only once you know how to do something are you able to correctly break the rules. TRUST me on this.) and all the other stuff it at least looked the part.

If you are indeed serious, you just have a lot to learn. Which isn't a crime, just very annoying for someone to give an honest critique about without being harsh. You can't write anything without reading, so read lots more books of all types. ESPECIALLY ones on how to write.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Fatso on 31 October 2008, 01:28:04
Now I'm imagining both at the same time. Eurgh


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 31 October 2008, 01:28:17
how would you guys like it if u were treated the same exact way??


Essentially yeah. The last couple of my posts have been pretty comical. There's a sense of lightheartedness. I'm not picking on you, nor have I.

If you did the same thing, that be A-Okay. b(o.o)d

EDIT: Seriously, if you want the best advice here, listen to Mike. Seriously, what he's telling you is straight up the right way to go. No lie. Listen, read, and take notes.

EDIT2: I just realized I said "Seriously" twice there. I must be pretty serious.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 31 October 2008, 01:29:30
how would you guys like it if u were treated the same exact way??


I've had worse without having even done worse than you. I go to college for animation, where it's HARSH all the time and you don't get a single day off. It's business and if it's "good enough" that means it's garbage and it goes where garbage goes. You have to learn to take harsh criticism if you want anyone to take you seriously, and also if you want to actually improve.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 31 October 2008, 01:36:48
Can u guys at least see if the 2ND one is any better?? if you want to send me a message telling me.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Captain Sanoguchi on 31 October 2008, 01:38:24
This post grew up, but got left behind too.

Write a story that isn't a recycled piece of crap.
Come up with something original.
Something new and creative.

1) Start with an original concept.
Like a fire breathing cowboy who fights angels, demons, murderous high school students, and his conceived children that he didn't even know about.

2) Give it a story.
Like the cowboy just got done traveling across the globe and has finally settled down in a city where his bounty hunting services are needed, and unknown to him he's actually being used as an advocate for the divine. Oh yeah, and he had a got a lot of women pregnant and left them so they had kids who were all special in their own way 'cause of stuff, like one's a demigod homosexual while another is a wheelchair bound, paralyzed telepath. So like, the kids were all born into hard lives and they blamed their father whom they never knew and stuff, so they all want revenge or something. Eventually they all track him down to the city. It all gets mashed into a bunch of gun battles, explosions, and semi-cliche lines about living and the future and stuff. At least it's interesting.
Also, don't use that, I've been trying to weave that into a good tale for a few years now.

3) Add depth.
Give the story depth. Describe the character's appearances, but not all of their features at once, draw it out a bit. Give all the characters unique personalities. Trying thinking about how they would act in a regular situation. If you don't make the characters have some sense of life or they'll all just be cardboard cutouts.
Never write things like 'They fight!' or 'He walked.' Make everything sound interesting.

Yeah, do stuff better.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Chron on 31 October 2008, 01:38:38
Damn, Sano.
I'd read that story.

You had me at "fire breathing cowboy".


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Captain Sanoguchi on 31 October 2008, 01:39:45
Seriously?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: preventerWIND on 31 October 2008, 01:41:07
Yeah Sano, that story'd be pretty ace.

And we don't want your second story, if its continuing this trash you have now, you can easily mark it up as poop.

If you take a crap on top of another crap, it only makes it bigger crap.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 31 October 2008, 01:42:56
if you have NOTHING nice to say say NOTHING at all!


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Fatso on 31 October 2008, 01:43:59
NOTHING at all!

And listen to the advice.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: preventerWIND on 31 October 2008, 01:44:10
I have a better saying.

DEAL WITH IT OR GET THE ##### OUT


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Someguy on 31 October 2008, 01:44:15
Nothing at all!
Oh and your story sucked

Dammit Fatso!


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 31 October 2008, 01:45:20
Sano's story sounds a lot like Heroes!

(Not really.)

Anyway this thread is way too hot right now to ever post anything at a good time.

Can u guys at least see if the 2ND one is any better?? if you want to send me a message telling me.


Did you upload it? No one is going to e-mail you to get it.

Posted on: 30 October 2008, 20:44:24

if you have NOTHING nice to say say NOTHING at all!

Then you'll never improve or have a good story. Sorry, but that's... oh um... what's it called? Oh! Right! That's LIFE.

Deal with it.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Captain Sanoguchi on 31 October 2008, 01:45:26
If you don't want to be evaluated by people who are honest, I suggest you run away quickly.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 31 October 2008, 01:47:24
How is that Life?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Chron on 31 October 2008, 01:50:26
Life is a continuing series of disappointments and mistakes.
The only thing that changes is how you react to those disappointments and mistakes, and how many of the disappointments and mistakes you are given the opportunity to make not yours.

Learn from what you've done wrong, and perhaps you'll do well later.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 31 October 2008, 01:50:56
How is that Life?


How is it NOT?

In life when you do something badly or wrong you aren't coddled like some little ##### rat. You're told you did it wrong and you're told how to improve and then you don't make the same #####ing mistakes again. Babies do it! Fall down, get up. Falling down hurts, don't fall down. And that sticks, so they don't fall down anymore. In theory. Since they still have to learn what makes them fall down.

Humans start this process of TRIAL AND ERROR (the only real way to accomplish anything in anything, and I do it EV. ERY. DAMN. DAY. in my own creative persuits) when they are a year old. So what are you?


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: NovaMan XP on 31 October 2008, 01:51:06
Forget it. I think he's a lost cause now.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: preventerWIND on 31 October 2008, 01:52:37
Babies do it! Fall down, get up. Falling down hurts, don't fall down. And that sticks, so they don't fall down anymore.

I lol'd.

I agree with Novuh, lost cause.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 31 October 2008, 01:54:14
Nova's probably right but now I'm just upset I haven't been able to leave The Creation Station since I got home from an already crap night.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Johncarllos on 31 October 2008, 02:29:45
Write a story that isn't a recycled piece of crap.
Come up with something original.
Something new and creative.

1) Start with an original concept.
Like a fire breathing cowboy who fights angels, demons, murderous high school students, and his conceived children that he didn't even know about.

2) Give it a story.
Like the cowboy just got done traveling across the globe and has finally settled down in a city where his bounty hunting services are needed, and unknown to him he's actually being used as an advocate for the divine. Oh yeah, and he had a got a lot of women pregnant and left them so they had kids who were all special in their own way 'cause of stuff, like one's a demigod homosexual while another is a wheelchair bound, paralyzed telepath. So like, the kids were all born into hard lives and they blamed their father whom they never knew and stuff, so they all want revenge or something. Eventually they all track him down to the city. It all gets mashed into a bunch of gun battles, explosions, and semi-cliche lines about living and the future and stuff. At least it's interesting.
Also, don't use that, I've been trying to weave that into a good tale for a few years now.

3) Add depth.
Give the story depth. Describe the character's appearances, but not all of their features at once, draw it out a bit. Give all the characters unique personalities. Trying thinking about how they would act in a regular situation. If you don't make the characters have some sense of life or they'll all just be cardboard cutouts.
Never write things like 'They fight!' or 'He walked.' Make everything sound interesting.

Yeah, do stuff better.

That would make a swell comic book or TV show, but not much of a book.
Maybe an illustrated book.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 31 October 2008, 02:36:17
if you have NOTHING nice to say say NOTHING at all!

Constructive Criticism.

Look it up.

And yes. This is life. Take whatever it throws at you. The good and the bad. It all depends on how you use it in the end.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Captain Sanoguchi on 31 October 2008, 02:55:50
Write a story that isn't a recycled piece of crap.
Come up with something original.
Something new and creative.

1) Start with an original concept.
Like a fire breathing cowboy who fights angels, demons, murderous high school students, and his conceived children that he didn't even know about.

2) Give it a story.
Like the cowboy just got done traveling across the globe and has finally settled down in a city where his bounty hunting services are needed, and unknown to him he's actually being used as an advocate for the divine. Oh yeah, and he had a got a lot of women pregnant and left them so they had kids who were all special in their own way 'cause of stuff, like one's a demigod homosexual while another is a wheelchair bound, paralyzed telepath. So like, the kids were all born into hard lives and they blamed their father whom they never knew and stuff, so they all want revenge or something. Eventually they all track him down to the city. It all gets mashed into a bunch of gun battles, explosions, and semi-cliche lines about living and the future and stuff. At least it's interesting.
Also, don't use that, I've been trying to weave that into a good tale for a few years now.

3) Add depth.
Give the story depth. Describe the character's appearances, but not all of their features at once, draw it out a bit. Give all the characters unique personalities. Trying thinking about how they would act in a regular situation. If you don't make the characters have some sense of life or they'll all just be cardboard cutouts.
Never write things like 'They fight!' or 'He walked.' Make everything sound interesting.

Yeah, do stuff better.

That would make a swell comic book or TV show, but not much of a book.
Maybe an illustrated book.

Yeah, I know.
I've come to that conclusion plenty of times already.
Sadly, I don't know anyone who'd illustrate it for me, and I sure as hell don't know how to go about producing a television series.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Jaker on 31 October 2008, 03:44:04
...


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 31 October 2008, 03:44:59
Right.
I'm done.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Yubi Shines on 31 October 2008, 08:21:56
Kiddo, if you're fixing to be a writer, you have to send your story to the publisher. (Or get an agent that'll do that for you. Either way.) Ain't no one's going to be asking YOU to send your manuscript to THEM. Who the heck are you? In the publisher's eyes, absolutely nothing.

And when you send the story out, the rejection slips will come. Granted, the people that'll review your story will be as subjective as anyone else, but they didn't get their job for no reason. If the rejection slips come with advice, consider it.

Then you keep sending the story, or you edit out the suck and then send it. Crippling depression and realizing you're a hack who can't write for crap is allowed, but then you get up and keep working at it.

Practically any artistic field is about 5% glorious inspiration from the gods, and 95% dogged hard work and thick skin. We live for the 5% because we're idiots. But there you go.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Majikn on 31 October 2008, 16:46:35
I've read a book (mainly to say that this is not my own idea, but an idea that I've adopted) that likened the muse to be a child sending his grandfather pictures. If his grandfather keeps telling him the picture sucks, and that if he can't do anything right the first time, he shouldn't do it at all... well, you wouldn't expect the kid to continue bringing him pictures in any event. Your muse is sort of like that. It's a child that gives up when discouraged. So don't tell yourself you suck. Tell yourself that you're better than the piece of crap you just wrote. And maybe... just maybe, you'll come up with something more interesting. And it supposedly gets better and better the more you try. I wouldn't know, because I'm the type to be easily discouraged, myself.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Fatso on 31 October 2008, 19:55:40
I can't emphasize that too much.

Although I usually prefer the Stephen King analogy involving #####ting on my head.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ASR on 31 October 2008, 23:15:44
I hate this thread.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 1 November 2008, 03:00:39
...


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Winged Warrior on 11 November 2008, 23:21:17
if you have NOTHING nice to say say NOTHING at all!

You know there is a LOCK thread button for just such an occasion.


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Mikero on 12 November 2008, 00:30:30
POO POO
PEE PEE

(^ a better story)


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: ChaosVortex on 12 November 2008, 03:48:54
Well...

I'm gonna have to send him an e-mail for that second one.








.... PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT


Title: Re: Ditz The Fox! 1.
Post by: Winged Warrior on 16 November 2008, 04:19:16
Do it, Post it here.