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The MBoard  |  Non-MegaMan  |  Any Other Business?  |  : The Comedy Thread
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Author Topic: The Comedy Thread  (Read 39214 times)
ChaosVortex
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« on: 15 January 2008, 00:33:37 »

Yeah, that's right. This is the topic that was missing. How could you all forget? YOU'RE JUST A BUNCH OF SORRY F-

*cough*

Anyway, tell jokes 'n #####.

For starters, read this:



EDIT: Oh yeah, make sure to spoiler tag certain punchlines if possible, so people don't accidentally ruin the joke.

Edit by Xero:  No jokes of the bigot persuasion please.
« Last Edit: 15 January 2008, 20:59:09 by Xero » Logged

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preventerWIND
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« Reply #1 on: 15 January 2008, 01:36:08 »

We shouldn't be telling any offensive jokes. But I guess 1 or 2 is alright, as long as everyones OK with it..
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Johncarllos
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« Reply #2 on: 15 January 2008, 02:22:20 »

I would not be surprised if a mod locked it right now.
BUT I'LL SAVE IT WITH A SIMPLE CLEAN JOKE.

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
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Mikero
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« Reply #3 on: 15 January 2008, 02:28:05 »

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
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ChaosVortex
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« Reply #4 on: 15 January 2008, 03:41:17 »

Here's one my 1st period teacher told me.

----------------------

This American tourist takes a trip to Spain, and wishes to dine in one of their restraunts. As he walks into one, he sees someone devouring their meal with a pair of huge meatballs on the plate. His mouth waters and he calls over a waiter. He's poor at Spanish, so all he could manage to say was "Hey, waiter, uh... por favor, I want those huge meatballs."

"Ah, I'm sorry sir. We're all fresh out today, those were the last. Would you mind coming in a different day?", the waiter replies.

The tourist agrees and leaves for the day.

The next day, he arrives back at the restaraunt, and calls over the same waiter.

"Hey waiter, remember me? I want those meatballs."

"Ah! Yes! Yes! We have some for you! We'll make some up for you this minute!"

The man is seated happily and awaits his food. Moments later, the waiter comes out of the kitchen and places on the tourist's table a plate with two dinky puny meatballs. The tourist throws a tantrum and tosses the plate.

"WHAT IS THIS!? Just because I'm American you think it's funny you give me these two tiny meatballs!?"

The waiter quickly appologizes, and replies:

[spoiler]"Oh, I'm so sorry sir. You see... the bull... he does not always lose..."[/spoiler]
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ASR
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« Reply #5 on: 15 January 2008, 03:50:00 »

Hehe, wasn't actually expecting that punchline, while in a way, I was.

Speaking of jokes teachers tell:

An old woman with a youthful spirit is on her deathbed when suddenly, a genie appears out of nowhere. He explains that he will grant her any three wishes. The woman looked down at her loyal cat, and then looked back up at the genie.
"I wish I were young again!"
Poof! She was young. She looked at herself and grew restless with her appearance.
"I wish I were staggeringly beautiful!"
Poof! She was absolutely gorgeous. She had a new life now! She was perfectly happy already with just these two wishes, but now she still had one left over.
She looks over at her cat. He had been her faithful companion for so many years now.
"I wish my cat was a handsome young man!"
Poof! Standing before the woman was a handsome young man. They embraced and held a passionate kiss. The man leaned in towards the woman's ear and said:
[spoiler]"Now don't you wish you didn't have me neutered?"[/spoiler]
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Captain Sanoguchi
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« Reply #6 on: 15 January 2008, 04:34:30 »

Funny.
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Edgecrusher
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« Reply #7 on: 15 January 2008, 07:48:03 »

I love how quickly this topic went down hill.
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Speed Racer
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« Reply #8 on: 15 January 2008, 08:08:01 »

Yeah, I'm kind of surprised that the thread wasn't locked after the Jewish jokes.
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Xero
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« Reply #9 on: 15 January 2008, 12:19:04 »

Why did the Xero ban everyone here?

Because they were being racist.

Seriously people.  Lay off the racist jokes.

Edit:  Unlocked topic....give it one more chance.
« Last Edit: 15 January 2008, 20:53:12 by Xero » Logged
Majikn
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« Reply #10 on: 15 January 2008, 21:28:36 »

Two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. One says, "Pass me the soap, please" to which the other penguin replies, [spoiler]"What do I look like, a clock?"[/spoiler]
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Vinchenz Rock
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« Reply #11 on: 15 January 2008, 21:30:42 »

NO SOAP, RADIO!

Yeah, I was wondering why this topic suddenly unlocked.
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Majikn
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« Reply #12 on: 15 January 2008, 21:33:04 »

I used my magic powers on Xero.

Actually he decided all on his own to give it another chance.
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ChaosVortex
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« Reply #13 on: 15 January 2008, 21:34:42 »

I requested it be brought back with the removal of all the slander.

Anyway, I didn't get Maj's joke. Some kind of reference?
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Vinchenz Rock
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« Reply #14 on: 15 January 2008, 21:38:24 »

Oh.

SO THIS ONE JE- *Banned*

To Chaos: I think that's just a different version of "NO SOAP, RADIO!" where the joke's not supposed to be funny, but half the people were payed to laugh. Even though the joke's not funny, somehow the people who fake laughed made the other people laugh at the not-so-funny joke.
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ASR
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« Reply #15 on: 15 January 2008, 21:39:04 »

Oh, I see the idea. Unless we're all just really missing the punchline here.
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ChaosVortex
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« Reply #16 on: 15 January 2008, 21:39:48 »

I like stoners better.
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Xero
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« Reply #17 on: 15 January 2008, 21:42:09 »

On a lighter note....jokes about sex and dead babies are fine.

Let Speed show you how it's done!
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Vinchenz Rock
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« Reply #18 on: 15 January 2008, 21:43:21 »

Oh, I see the idea. Unless we're all just really missing the punchline here.

No, don't worry, it's just a test run by crazy people who like to make people fake laugh.

Anyway, the original joke goes like this:

One day, two elephants were taking a bath. One of the elephants asks the other elephant to pass the soap. The other elephant replies with, [spoiler]"NO SOAP, RADIO!"[/spoiler]

Whenever this joke is posted on GameFAQs, half of the users "laugh" and the other users go, "I don't get it." One day this was posted, though... it was quite epic. This guy litterally posted a two page essay on why the joke was funny. It included things like, "The other elephant, perplexed that they can both fit into the bath..." and stuff. That was the REAL punchline of the topic.
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preventerWIND
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« Reply #19 on: 15 January 2008, 21:47:06 »

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
[spoiler]Open the door, put the giraffe in, and close the door.[/spoiler]

How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
[spoiler]Take out the giraffe and put the elephant in.[/spoiler]

The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
[spoiler]The elephant, it's still in the fridge.[/spoiler]

: \
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Majikn
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« Reply #20 on: 15 January 2008, 21:47:55 »

On a lighter note....jokes about sex and dead babies are fine.

Let Speed show you how it's done!

*amphetamine sulphate*
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ChaosVortex
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« Reply #21 on: 15 January 2008, 21:48:46 »

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
[spoiler]Open the door, put the giraffe in, and close the door.[/spoiler]

How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
[spoiler]Take out the giraffe and put the elephant in.[/spoiler]

The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
[spoiler]The elephant, it's still in the fridge.[/spoiler]

Heard it as a "Pay attention" test, which is a poor test.
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ASR
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« Reply #22 on: 15 January 2008, 21:49:08 »

Wind, thanks for reminding me of that. There was a kid that used to pull that routine all the time.
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preventerWIND
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« Reply #23 on: 15 January 2008, 21:50:20 »

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
[spoiler]Open the door, put the giraffe in, and close the door.[/spoiler]

How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
[spoiler]Take out the giraffe and put the elephant in.[/spoiler]

The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
[spoiler]The elephant, it's still in the fridge.[/spoiler]

Heard it as a "Pay attention" test, which is a poor test.
You're a towel.
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LOL BANDWAGON
White Shadow
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« Reply #24 on: 15 January 2008, 22:22:13 »

On a lighter note....jokes about sex and dead babies are fine.

Let Speed show you how it's done!

QFTW
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White Shadow
Slugkid
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« Reply #25 on: 15 January 2008, 22:24:05 »

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
[spoiler]Open the door, put the giraffe in, and close the door.[/spoiler]

How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
[spoiler]Take out the giraffe and put the elephant in.[/spoiler]

The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
[spoiler]The elephant, it's still in the fridge.[/spoiler]

: \
I know the next one.
How to cross a river habitated by alligators?
 [spoiler]
Swimming, the alligators were at the party![/spoiler]
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Voulnet
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« Reply #26 on: 15 January 2008, 22:30:33 »

Three words to destroy a man's ego?
[spoiler]Is it in?[/spoiler]
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Vinchenz Rock
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« Reply #27 on: 15 January 2008, 22:43:37 »

I just remembered that there was a comic in here that Lunchebox posted about. I didn't read it, due to the fact that I scrolled down and saw panties (and I didn't want anyone at school thinking I'm looking at it for the wrong reasons) so I exited.

I guess it must've been something racist, huh?
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ASR
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« Reply #28 on: 15 January 2008, 22:47:45 »

Very.

Well, more sad, really.
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Slugkid
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« Reply #29 on: 15 January 2008, 23:14:21 »

There was mickey and minnie mouse. And mickey says
"Minnie, I want to break up"
"WHAT?! Mickey, are you f***ing crazy?!
[spoiler]
No, I am F***ing Daisy!
[/spoiler]
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Voulnet
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« Reply #30 on: 15 January 2008, 23:15:42 »

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says:
[spoiler]"That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"[/spoiler]
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Xero
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« Reply #31 on: 15 January 2008, 23:41:15 »

XD
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ChaosVortex
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« Reply #32 on: 16 January 2008, 00:05:24 »

Heheh, that reminds me of an Alabama joke.

A teenage girl walks up to her father and asks if she could borrow the car. The father responds, "Sure, but you know what you have to do...". The girl nods, unzips his pants, and begins to give him a blowjob. After she gets finished, her father hands her the keys. As she gets up and walks away, she turns around and asks her father why the job tasted funny. The father thinks a little bit and replies:

[spoiler]"Oh yeah, your brother asked to borrow the car earlier."[/spoiler]
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ASR
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« Reply #33 on: 16 January 2008, 00:11:28 »

...that's... ugh.
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Voulnet
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« Reply #34 on: 16 January 2008, 00:18:55 »

These three guys were stranded on this african island with no hope of getting off for a long time. Then this 500 pound black tribe guy came out of some bushes and said "Okay, I give you two choices......death or bongo."
The first guy said, "I have a lot to live for; my wife and kids are at home. I choose bongo."
The big guy takes him aside and starts raping him.

The second guy sees this and doesn't think it looks so bad so he also chooses bongo. Then two 550 pound black guys come out of the bushes and they get it on right there.

The third guy is disgusted by this, so he chooses death. After saying this, fourteen 550 pound black guys come out of the bushes screaming:
[spoiler] "DEATH BY BONGO!!!!!!"[/spoiler]
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ASR
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« Reply #35 on: 16 January 2008, 00:22:20 »

The only reason I love that joke is because EVERY TIME I hear it, it's a different word. Bongo, oonga-boonga, blarga, doogie-boogie, anything.

That's what makes it enjoyable. The joke isn't all that funny anymore, but maybe that's only because I've heard it so damn much.
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Mikero
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« Reply #36 on: 16 January 2008, 00:54:49 »

No it's just not really that funny. Well, "Death by Bongo" is probably the only funny version 'cause those other phrases-safe just "Bongo"-wouldn't be funny.

Anyway..

A woman brings 8-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight year old daughter.

Johnny's mother says: "Let's not be too harsh on them. They are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

[spoiler]"Curious about sex?!" Replies Mary's mother. "He was taken her #####ing appendix out!"[/spoiler]
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Johncarllos
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« Reply #37 on: 16 January 2008, 01:01:10 »

I loved Doctors and Nurses....
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ASR
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« Reply #38 on: 16 January 2008, 01:07:01 »

Hehe, nice.

Jim was excited to take Sally to the prom. He showed up promptly at 8:00, and Sally's father opened the front door to greet him.
"Sally will be down shortly, she's just finishing up."
"Okay, sir."
"Just come on in and sit down, then."
"Yes, sir."
"Now, Jimmy-boy, you know what you should do with Sally tonight? She really likes to, oh, what do you call it? She likes to screw. You two should screw."
Jim was taken aback by this. He sat nervously and twiddled his fingers.
"Sally really does love to screw, Jimmy-boy. She screws every day, almost. Well, she would if she could. Every chance she gets, my little old Sally is screwing."
Jim couldn't take it anymore. He felt incredibly awkward and uncomfortable.
Just then, Sally walked down the steps and caught a glimpse of Jim's face. It was so pale and frozen in nervous fear.
She immediately put two and two together and gave her father a stern look.
She said,

[spoiler]"Dad, for the last time, it's called the TWIST!"[/spoiler]
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Slugkid
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« Reply #39 on: 16 January 2008, 01:13:33 »

Could anybody explain the phrasal verbs seemingly not taught in my english class please?
Thanks.
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Johncarllos
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« Reply #40 on: 16 January 2008, 01:27:21 »

To Screw= to Have sex.
The Twist= A simple dance, which is accomplished by one making motions as if they are wiping their ass with a towel and putting out 2 cigarette butts at the same time.
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Slugkid
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« Reply #41 on: 16 January 2008, 01:29:50 »

Thank you.
*Re-reads*
Lol.
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Johncarllos
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« Reply #42 on: 16 January 2008, 01:32:06 »

You're welcome.
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Speed Racer
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« Reply #43 on: 16 January 2008, 01:40:16 »

On a lighter note....jokes about sex and dead babies are fine.

Let Speed show you how it's done!

QFTW

QFTW?
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Xero
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« Reply #44 on: 16 January 2008, 01:42:39 »

Just make with the dead baby jokes.
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Mikero
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« Reply #45 on: 16 January 2008, 01:44:13 »

I loved Doctors and Nurses....

?
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ASR
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« Reply #46 on: 16 January 2008, 01:46:10 »

He has, or at least used to have, respect for the medical staff of our world, Mike. What's not to understand?
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Johncarllos
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« Reply #47 on: 16 January 2008, 01:46:53 »

...
I don't need to elaborate on one of my childhood past times if I don't want to.
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Speed Racer
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« Reply #48 on: 16 January 2008, 02:02:26 »

Just make with the dead baby jokes.

I ran out of them a couple of years ago. I haven't heard any good ones that are new.
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Voulnet
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« Reply #49 on: 16 January 2008, 03:32:11 »

Then tell us the old ones.
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