Ditz The Fox! 1.

[Mikero]

We've said it all over why we didn't like it. We even admitted to being overly harsh. That is probably the best we're going to give you. Especially me, since I think this is some #####ty prank.

If you're genuine and thus genuinely want to improve, try reading all the posts. Do your best not to get personally offended (I know it's hard), and revise the parts people said they didn't like. For instance, it's rather ridiculous to make story about characters as if they live in a game world unless that's the idea like #####ing Code Lyoko or something. Just because the inspiration comes from a game, doesn't mean you need to list characters' HP all the time and have stuff like them going into "levels". Levels are just what people outside the game call them, from the perpective of the characters those are just places like the real life places you visit, such as the doctor's office where they treat you syphilis.

And random ##### about them playing video games that has nothing to with anything is crap. Crap. Anything that has to with nothing (which I'm not-so-afraid to say is the whole thing in this case) shouldn't be in your story.

Write like these aren't fake people. Type in real paragraphs. Use quotation marks, grammar, spelling, punctuation, line breaks, and every other literary tool you skipped (which is all of them safe for capitalising some letters).

Seriously, your posts are better than this trite, and they're not even good. And I still don't believe you're legit.

[ChaosVortex]

The lord hath spoken.

[Jaker]

...

Posted on: 31 October 2008, 01:14:53

say no more please

[ChaosVortex]

Okay.

...

Crap.

[preventerWIND]

No, CV. He told us to say "no more".

NO MORE

[ChaosVortex]

I take it he doesn't want to work on it. It's no skin off my nose really. If the truth hurts, hey, it's at least the truth.

NO MORE

[Jaker]

Also one more thing... Treat others the way you wanna be treated.

[Fatso]

You mean, fairly?

Excuse me while I rip you a new one for assaulting my eyes with this drivel.

Happy?

[ChaosVortex]

Also one more thing... Treat others the way you wanna be treated.

Exactly what I'm doing.

[Jaker]

how would you guys like it if u were treated the same exact way??

[preventerWIND]

We've all gotten criticism like this man, don't think you're special and try and teach us a few things. Some times the harshest stuff can be the most helpful. So take your head out of your ass or foot out of your mouth. Or whichever part of your body you have crammed up a hole.

[Mikero]

Look. That's as nice as I'm going to get about it. I'm not in a good mood in the first place, and I'm really not convinced yet of your earnestness.

My best advice is to get a book, right now. From somewhere in the house. A fiction book. One you've read and really like. Look in it a bit, see how it's written. Then look at your story and see how it isn't written. From there, you can revise it.

The whole story or lack there of wouldn't be so bad if it was AT LEAST formatted like a real story. I could actually do it FOR you, and it wouldn't take that long either, but that wouldn't actually be helping at all since you'd not learn anything.

I'd care so much less that it's not original and that it has random parts that mean nothing (which is something you can do, but only once you know how to do something are you able to correctly break the rules. TRUST me on this.) and all the other stuff it at least looked the part.

If you are indeed serious, you just have a lot to learn. Which isn't a crime, just very annoying for someone to give an honest critique about without being harsh. You can't write anything without reading, so read lots more books of all types. ESPECIALLY ones on how to write.

[Fatso]

Now I'm imagining both at the same time. Eurgh

[ChaosVortex]

how would you guys like it if u were treated the same exact way??

Essentially yeah. The last couple of my posts have been pretty comical. There's a sense of lightheartedness. I'm not picking on you, nor have I.

If you did the same thing, that be A-Okay. b(o.o)d

EDIT: Seriously, if you want the best advice here, listen to Mike. Seriously, what he's telling you is straight up the right way to go. No lie. Listen, read, and take notes.

EDIT2: I just realized I said "Seriously" twice there. I must be pretty serious.

[Mikero]

how would you guys like it if u were treated the same exact way??

I've had worse without having even done worse than you. I go to college for animation, where it's HARSH all the time and you don't get a single day off. It's business and if it's "good enough" that means it's garbage and it goes where garbage goes. You have to learn to take harsh criticism if you want anyone to take you seriously, and also if you want to actually improve.

[Jaker]

Can u guys at least see if the 2ND one is any better?? if you want to send me a message telling me.

[Captain Sanoguchi]

This post grew up, but got left behind too.

Write a story that isn't a recycled piece of crap.
Come up with something original.
Something new and creative.

1) Start with an original concept.
Like a fire breathing cowboy who fights angels, demons, murderous high school students, and his conceived children that he didn't even know about.

2) Give it a story.
Like the cowboy just got done traveling across the globe and has finally settled down in a city where his bounty hunting services are needed, and unknown to him he's actually being used as an advocate for the divine. Oh yeah, and he had a got a lot of women pregnant and left them so they had kids who were all special in their own way 'cause of stuff, like one's a demigod homosexual while another is a wheelchair bound, paralyzed telepath. So like, the kids were all born into hard lives and they blamed their father whom they never knew and stuff, so they all want revenge or something. Eventually they all track him down to the city. It all gets mashed into a bunch of gun battles, explosions, and semi-cliche lines about living and the future and stuff. At least it's interesting.
Also, don't use that, I've been trying to weave that into a good tale for a few years now.

3) Add depth.
Give the story depth. Describe the character's appearances, but not all of their features at once, draw it out a bit. Give all the characters unique personalities. Trying thinking about how they would act in a regular situation. If you don't make the characters have some sense of life or they'll all just be cardboard cutouts.
Never write things like 'They fight!' or 'He walked.' Make everything sound interesting.

Yeah, do stuff better.

[Chron]

Damn, Sano.
I'd read that story.

You had me at "fire breathing cowboy".

[Captain Sanoguchi]

Seriously?

[preventerWIND]

Yeah Sano, that story'd be pretty ace.

And we don't want your second story, if its continuing this trash you have now, you can easily mark it up as poop.

If you take a crap on top of another crap, it only makes it bigger crap.

[Jaker]

if you have NOTHING nice to say say NOTHING at all!

[Fatso]

NOTHING at all!

And listen to the advice.

[preventerWIND]

I have a better saying.

DEAL WITH IT OR GET THE ##### OUT

[Someguy]

Nothing at all!
Oh and your story sucked

Dammit Fatso!

[Mikero]

Sano's story sounds a lot like Heroes!

(Not really.)

Anyway this thread is way too hot right now to ever post anything at a good time.

Can u guys at least see if the 2ND one is any better?? if you want to send me a message telling me.

Did you upload it? No one is going to e-mail you to get it.

Posted on: 30 October 2008, 20:44:24

if you have NOTHING nice to say say NOTHING at all!

Then you'll never improve or have a good story. Sorry, but that's... oh um... what's it called? Oh! Right! That's LIFE.

Deal with it.

[Captain Sanoguchi]

If you don't want to be evaluated by people who are honest, I suggest you run away quickly.

[Jaker]

How is that Life?

[Chron]

Life is a continuing series of disappointments and mistakes.
The only thing that changes is how you react to those disappointments and mistakes, and how many of the disappointments and mistakes you are given the opportunity to make not yours.

Learn from what you've done wrong, and perhaps you'll do well later.

[Mikero]

How is that Life?

How is it NOT?

In life when you do something badly or wrong you aren't coddled like some little ##### rat. You're told you did it wrong and you're told how to improve and then you don't make the same #####ing mistakes again. Babies do it! Fall down, get up. Falling down hurts, don't fall down. And that sticks, so they don't fall down anymore. In theory. Since they still have to learn what makes them fall down.

Humans start this process of TRIAL AND ERROR (the only real way to accomplish anything in anything, and I do it EV. ERY. DAMN. DAY. in my own creative persuits) when they are a year old. So what are you?

[NovaMan XP]

Forget it. I think he's a lost cause now.

[preventerWIND]

Babies do it! Fall down, get up. Falling down hurts, don't fall down. And that sticks, so they don't fall down anymore.

I lol'd.

I agree with Novuh, lost cause.

[Mikero]

Nova's probably right but now I'm just upset I haven't been able to leave The Creation Station since I got home from an already crap night.

[Johncarllos]

Write a story that isn't a recycled piece of crap.
Come up with something original.
Something new and creative.

1) Start with an original concept.
Like a fire breathing cowboy who fights angels, demons, murderous high school students, and his conceived children that he didn't even know about.

2) Give it a story.
Like the cowboy just got done traveling across the globe and has finally settled down in a city where his bounty hunting services are needed, and unknown to him he's actually being used as an advocate for the divine. Oh yeah, and he had a got a lot of women pregnant and left them so they had kids who were all special in their own way 'cause of stuff, like one's a demigod homosexual while another is a wheelchair bound, paralyzed telepath. So like, the kids were all born into hard lives and they blamed their father whom they never knew and stuff, so they all want revenge or something. Eventually they all track him down to the city. It all gets mashed into a bunch of gun battles, explosions, and semi-cliche lines about living and the future and stuff. At least it's interesting.
Also, don't use that, I've been trying to weave that into a good tale for a few years now.

3) Add depth.
Give the story depth. Describe the character's appearances, but not all of their features at once, draw it out a bit. Give all the characters unique personalities. Trying thinking about how they would act in a regular situation. If you don't make the characters have some sense of life or they'll all just be cardboard cutouts.
Never write things like 'They fight!' or 'He walked.' Make everything sound interesting.

Yeah, do stuff better.

That would make a swell comic book or TV show, but not much of a book.
Maybe an illustrated book.

[ChaosVortex]

if you have NOTHING nice to say say NOTHING at all!

Constructive Criticism.

Look it up.

And yes. This is life. Take whatever it throws at you. The good and the bad. It all depends on how you use it in the end.

[Captain Sanoguchi]

Write a story that isn't a recycled piece of crap.
Come up with something original.
Something new and creative.

1) Start with an original concept.
Like a fire breathing cowboy who fights angels, demons, murderous high school students, and his conceived children that he didn't even know about.

2) Give it a story.
Like the cowboy just got done traveling across the globe and has finally settled down in a city where his bounty hunting services are needed, and unknown to him he's actually being used as an advocate for the divine. Oh yeah, and he had a got a lot of women pregnant and left them so they had kids who were all special in their own way 'cause of stuff, like one's a demigod homosexual while another is a wheelchair bound, paralyzed telepath. So like, the kids were all born into hard lives and they blamed their father whom they never knew and stuff, so they all want revenge or something. Eventually they all track him down to the city. It all gets mashed into a bunch of gun battles, explosions, and semi-cliche lines about living and the future and stuff. At least it's interesting.
Also, don't use that, I've been trying to weave that into a good tale for a few years now.

3) Add depth.
Give the story depth. Describe the character's appearances, but not all of their features at once, draw it out a bit. Give all the characters unique personalities. Trying thinking about how they would act in a regular situation. If you don't make the characters have some sense of life or they'll all just be cardboard cutouts.
Never write things like 'They fight!' or 'He walked.' Make everything sound interesting.

Yeah, do stuff better.

That would make a swell comic book or TV show, but not much of a book.
Maybe an illustrated book.

Yeah, I know.
I've come to that conclusion plenty of times already.
Sadly, I don't know anyone who'd illustrate it for me, and I sure as hell don't know how to go about producing a television series.

[Jaker]

...

[Mikero]

Right.
I'm done.

[Yubi Shines]

Kiddo, if you're fixing to be a writer, you have to send your story to the publisher. (Or get an agent that'll do that for you. Either way.) Ain't no one's going to be asking YOU to send your manuscript to THEM. Who the heck are you? In the publisher's eyes, absolutely nothing.

And when you send the story out, the rejection slips will come. Granted, the people that'll review your story will be as subjective as anyone else, but they didn't get their job for no reason. If the rejection slips come with advice, consider it.

Then you keep sending the story, or you edit out the suck and then send it. Crippling depression and realizing you're a hack who can't write for crap is allowed, but then you get up and keep working at it.

Practically any artistic field is about 5% glorious inspiration from the gods, and 95% dogged hard work and thick skin. We live for the 5% because we're idiots. But there you go.

[Majikn]

I've read a book (mainly to say that this is not my own idea, but an idea that I've adopted) that likened the muse to be a child sending his grandfather pictures. If his grandfather keeps telling him the picture sucks, and that if he can't do anything right the first time, he shouldn't do it at all... well, you wouldn't expect the kid to continue bringing him pictures in any event. Your muse is sort of like that. It's a child that gives up when discouraged. So don't tell yourself you suck. Tell yourself that you're better than the piece of crap you just wrote. And maybe... just maybe, you'll come up with something more interesting. And it supposedly gets better and better the more you try. I wouldn't know, because I'm the type to be easily discouraged, myself.

[Fatso]

I can't emphasize that too much.

Although I usually prefer the Stephen King analogy involving #####ting on my head.

[ASR]

I hate this thread.

[ChaosVortex]

...

[Winged Warrior]

if you have NOTHING nice to say say NOTHING at all!

You know there is a LOCK thread button for just such an occasion.

[Mikero]

POO POO
PEE PEE

(^ a better story)

[ChaosVortex]

Well...

I'm gonna have to send him an e-mail for that second one.








.... PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT

[Winged Warrior]

Do it, Post it here.